Parenting, August 2005
The Secret to a Stronger Marriage
When you put your relationship with your partner first,
it can benefit you and your kids
by Teri Cettina
Novelist and screenwriter Nora Ephron once wrote, “When you have a baby, you set off an explosion in your marriage, and when the dust settles, your marriage is different from what it was.”
My husband, Greg, and I sure felt a big shift. After our two girls, now 7 and 3, were born, our otherwise strong marriage faced more than a few battles—and a lot of just plain neglect. Like most new parents, we were engrossed in taking care of our daughters’ everyday needs. Finding time to feed, bathe, and play with them between our work schedules was challenging enough. Hanging out as a couple wasn’t even on the to-do list.
But there was more to it than time management. There were the routine squabbles about everything from how to discipline the girls to our own expectations—and disappointments—about our postbaby selves. I wasn’t fun-loving enough anymore; he was watching too much TV and talking to me too little. Through it all, the nagging question remained: How could we nurture our marriage—the relationship that created these beautiful children to begin with—and still manage to be good parents? It often felt like an impossible balancing act.
It happens to the best of us
Many couples do exactly what Greg and I did, says Carol Ummel Lindquist, Ph.D., author of Happily Married with Kids: It's Not Just a Fairy Tale and a mom of two. We give plenty of attention to our children and not nearly enough to each other. And over time, that shift in focus can start to hurt even the most solid relationships.
“The irony is that a strong relationship with your partner is one of the best things you can do for your kids,” Lindquist says. “You and your husband are modeling a good relationship, which sets your children up for better marriages themselves when they grow up.”
Full article text available upon request.
[<<< Back to Teri Cettina Writing Portfolio]
