Parenting,
October 2007
The Chore Wars
How to even the score when it comes to housework and kid duty.
by Teri Cettina
“I picked up the kids from daycare all week; you bathed the dog.”
“I took the baby to his doctor appointment (and he got shots); you picked up dinner and vacuumed out the car.”
“I mopped the kitchen floor; you forgot to clean the bathroom.”
Sound familiar? Moms and dads argue like badly behaved kids when it comes to weighing who does the most. Take Jenny and Marc Fink of Mayville, Wisconsin. They're champion scorekeepers. Both work — Jenny as a freelance writer from home, Marc full-time-plus as a civil engineer with a long commute. Jenny also takes care of their four sons, ages 20 months to 9 years, and homeschools the two oldest. When Marc gets off work, he switches to full-energy-dad mode, hanging out with the kids before giving them baths and getting them to bed.
Partly because of their demanding schedules, the issue of divvying up household chores is a constant hot button. “My primary job is taking care of the kids,” Jenny says. “But Marc still doesn't fully understand why the house is a mess when he gets home. He thinks I should find time to clean it.”
Personal time is also a point of contention. Marc plays in a local softball league twice a week. Jenny tries to get to an exercise class once a week, or to meet up with friends for a movie or to grab coffee, but sometimes just doesn't have the energy.
Then the scorecards come flying out. Jenny angrily scrawls lists: Marc's chores and time spent with the kids versus her chores and kid-care time. She claims that her list is always longer, and fights the urge to toss it in Marc's lap. “I know I'm supposed to wait and have those kinds of conversations when I'm calm, but that doesn't always happen,” she says.
The real score? It'll never be a tie. You probably have a load of laundry waiting (the one your husband should have done last night), so let's cut to the chase: Forget keeping score. Why? It won't organize your household any better — and it could make things worse.
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