The Money Pits

How to finesse 11 sticky financial situations involving friends and family.

by Teri Cettina

Yes, it's only money. But that's like saying, "It's only a piranha." What other inanimate entity can cause cringes among colleagues, ignite arguments between friends (even over a restaurant tab!), and leave family relationships strained? In an online poll, readers told Real Simple their biggest money-etiquette woes. The good news? For each one, there's a gracious and practical solution. Just follow this expert advice—gratuity included.

Problem: A nosy friend asks how much you spent on your car, your clothes, or your house, and you think it’s none of her business. How do you respond?

Solution: When someone asks an invasive question, you’re never obligated to answer, says mediator Laurie Puhn. “If she asked about your favorite sexual positions, would you feel you had to tell her? Probably not,” Puhn says. The next time this friend asks the price of a new leather handbag, Puhn suggests saying something like: “I have a new policy that I’m not going to share prices or salaries. It’s nothing personal. I’ve just found it’s easier not to discuss finances with friends.” Or try what etiquette expert Anna Post calls the “gently evasive” approach. “If your friend asks what you paid for your new house, say, ‘Well, probably a little more than I should have, but I am so happy with it.’ Then immediately change the subject: ‘Can I give you a tour?’” suggests Post. “Your answer indicates that the issue is not open for discussion.”

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